A Lingering Sadness
Has it really been more than 30 years since I killed my baby? It seems like only last week. I can tell you what my girlfriend wore when I drove her to the clinic, where I parked the car, how many dimes I dropped into the parking meter . . . .
I was 17. Judith, 19. Both of us, I convinced myself, were too young to bear the responsibilities of a baby.
"What do you mean, you're pregnant?" I asked when she returned from the physician's office.
I knew she expected me to propose marriage. Instead, I talked her into having an abortion.
It was easy to suggest that. I chose to believe our baby was only a glob of cells growing in her womb. I chose to believe Judith had the right to choose what to do with her own body and every baby should be a wanted baby. I embraced every excuse I’d ever heard because each one freed me of my obligation to Judith and to our child. A few months after the abortion, my girlfriend and I went our separate ways.
My son or daughter would now be nearly thirty-seven years old. Perhaps he would be a teacher. Or a physician. Or a missionary. Or a . . . . Perhaps I would be a grandfather.
But there is no "perhaps." Time doesn't turn backwards.
Abortion is more than a “rights” issue. It holds enduring emotional and spiritual implications for those of us who, too late, awakened to the lies and excuses that over-ruled our conscience. And rhetoric doesn't purge the lingering sadness thirty-three years later. However, I have found something which eases that sorrow.
Four years after the abortion, a friend gave me a Bible and told me about the new life I could have in Jesus Christ. As I leafed through its pages, one verse in particular grabbed my attention, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). That I was a sinner came as no surprise to me. Having lived a life of rebellion, drug abuse and sexual immorality, no one needed to tell me my life was a mess. But the Scripture also promised I could be forgiven . . . not just for my everyday rebellion, but also for killing my child.
“Come now,” God urged through the prophet Isaiah,“ let us reason together. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool” (Isaiah 1:18). The apostle John wrote, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9).
As the weeks passed and I continued studying the Scriptures, I began to understand knew what I needed to do. One evening, dropping to my knees at the foot of my bed, I confessed my sins to God and repented for as many as I could remember. When I stood, I did so as a new person in Christ. Although the sad memories remained, I knew God had forgiven me for everything I had ever done . . . even for delivering my baby to the abortionist.
Are you planning to have an abortion? Before you do, please counsel with someone who CARES about you and your unborn child. Save yourself the lingering sadness which can last decades into the future. Help is available. Nearly every phone book in the country lists Crisis Pregnancy Centers and other alternatives to abortion services. Many churches will also assist you, financially and emotionally.
Have you had an abortion? Has your girlfriend had one at your insistence? Hope and comfort is not beyond your reach. The same God who forgave me will also forgive you. He assures us of that through Scripture. Everyone who repents and turns to Him for mercy will find His grace as great and far-reaching as His love. We can trust Him to keep His word.
end
I was 17. Judith, 19. Both of us, I convinced myself, were too young to bear the responsibilities of a baby.
"What do you mean, you're pregnant?" I asked when she returned from the physician's office.
I knew she expected me to propose marriage. Instead, I talked her into having an abortion.
It was easy to suggest that. I chose to believe our baby was only a glob of cells growing in her womb. I chose to believe Judith had the right to choose what to do with her own body and every baby should be a wanted baby. I embraced every excuse I’d ever heard because each one freed me of my obligation to Judith and to our child. A few months after the abortion, my girlfriend and I went our separate ways.
My son or daughter would now be nearly thirty-seven years old. Perhaps he would be a teacher. Or a physician. Or a missionary. Or a . . . . Perhaps I would be a grandfather.
But there is no "perhaps." Time doesn't turn backwards.
Abortion is more than a “rights” issue. It holds enduring emotional and spiritual implications for those of us who, too late, awakened to the lies and excuses that over-ruled our conscience. And rhetoric doesn't purge the lingering sadness thirty-three years later. However, I have found something which eases that sorrow.
Four years after the abortion, a friend gave me a Bible and told me about the new life I could have in Jesus Christ. As I leafed through its pages, one verse in particular grabbed my attention, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). That I was a sinner came as no surprise to me. Having lived a life of rebellion, drug abuse and sexual immorality, no one needed to tell me my life was a mess. But the Scripture also promised I could be forgiven . . . not just for my everyday rebellion, but also for killing my child.
“Come now,” God urged through the prophet Isaiah,“ let us reason together. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool” (Isaiah 1:18). The apostle John wrote, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9).
As the weeks passed and I continued studying the Scriptures, I began to understand knew what I needed to do. One evening, dropping to my knees at the foot of my bed, I confessed my sins to God and repented for as many as I could remember. When I stood, I did so as a new person in Christ. Although the sad memories remained, I knew God had forgiven me for everything I had ever done . . . even for delivering my baby to the abortionist.
Are you planning to have an abortion? Before you do, please counsel with someone who CARES about you and your unborn child. Save yourself the lingering sadness which can last decades into the future. Help is available. Nearly every phone book in the country lists Crisis Pregnancy Centers and other alternatives to abortion services. Many churches will also assist you, financially and emotionally.
Have you had an abortion? Has your girlfriend had one at your insistence? Hope and comfort is not beyond your reach. The same God who forgave me will also forgive you. He assures us of that through Scripture. Everyone who repents and turns to Him for mercy will find His grace as great and far-reaching as His love. We can trust Him to keep His word.
end
posted by rich at
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